|
EDITORIAL COMMENT
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, Welcome to The Hollow Times Special Christmas Edition.
The holiday season is upon us and with it comes the crashed family budget, the extra kilo's of weight, the carnage on the roads and a bit of goodwill thrown in for good measure. It does not explain why we love this time of year though, all I know is that everybody needs a holiday just to recover. Our special thanks must go to those unsung heroes who work over the festive seasons, and who man the tills and ride the fire engines and ambulances, those who look after the sick and those who watch over the country as we party and boogie the time away.
THANKS TO YOU ALL!
THE ROADS ARE QUIET HERE.
The Editor.
Johannesburg, peak hour, Beyers Naude Drive.
Usually queues of cars stand bumper to bumper on this main road, but today, like most days during the first half of December, peace reigns. There are no slow trucks crawling up the hill, or 4x4's barreling down the hill with cellphone clutching driver. Even the taxi's are relatively benign for a change. some are even obeying the rules of the road!
But where are the cars? a large portion of them are sitting in traffic jams along the highways leading to and from the coast, some are at the panelbeaters having their dents repaired after accidents along these maniacal highways, and naturally a vast portion have been stolen and are probably in Mozambique with their new "owners". All that we know is that Beyers Naude is quiet and even the legendary traffic jam on the M1 north has dissipated. Of course once the builders and schools re-open things will deteriorate rapidly and we will back in the chaos that defines traffic in Johannesburg. Drat, better get that shopping done now while we can.
CT SAVES THE DAY
Superheroine Cosmic Tangerine was quick off the mark yesterday with a great rescue of a kitten that had become trapped in a tree. The kitten, which had been stuck up the tree had managed to evade rescue by hiding amongst the foliage and keeping quiet each time somebody investigated.
Quick thinking and some impressive balcony climbing by our very own superheroine managed to fool the petrified (if somewhat sneaky) puss and rescue was soon at hand, followed by a saucer of milk and a tin of tuna.
 Thank you CT.
SULTANATE OF TAMSEN NEWS.
By Victoria
Princess Tammolyn and Princess Tammara send their greetings to all their subjects as well as all their fellow Caities. The Sultanate has been in the news since the discovery of hypo-allergenic wool in the Mallory Mountain Sheep flocks that populate the Sultanate. The recovery of the priceless Star of Tamsen by C&D Detective Agency has also raised the spotlight on this little known kingdom and tourism has doubled since regular air links were established.
EXCHANGE AND COMMODITY PRICES
(28/12/2006 09.30am):
Rand/Dollar = 7,05
Rand/Sterling = 13,81
Gold = $627,85
Brent Crude = $61.09
ZA Petrol: R5.78p/l (7c decrease)
between 5 & 8 cent p/l increase expected in January
The Dailly Bleh/Hollow Times is published on a random basis when needed.
© D.R. Walker. 2006/7. All rights reserved, batteries not included.
|
NO NEW TWINN TIME IN ZA
By Roberta West
As the clock struck the hour we all said our goodbyes to the South African Twinn Time 2006 who bowed out once again. We were fortunate in having her visit with us, and it was hoped that a new Twinn Time would make her appearance once again. However, Twinn Time does not seem to conform to any set rules about where she will spend the year, and she can appear anywhere and in multiple places at the same time.
 Outgoing Twinn Time 2006 South Africa
In her address to the Twinns in South Africa, outgoing Twinn Time 2006 pointed out that we should use all the time we have because it's all the time we get, there is no turning back or claiming a refund. May we be blessed with a new Twinn Time in 2008, and we long to hear from our readers where else she made her appearance in 2007.
This past year Twinn Time also appeared at Birdwood Prison and as yet there is no sign of her bowing out. An inside source said that Twinn Time 2006 has been in solitary confinement for "....throwing a chamber pot full of cabbage at the prison governor and demanding Beluga caviar for breakfast." It appears as if Twinn Time 2006 at Birdwood will be slightly delayed, and without a doubt she had a very very long reign in the Edwardian monolith that is Birdwood Prison.
TWINN TIME 2007 APPEARS AT THE CONTINUUM
Twinn Time 2007 arrived back at the Twinn Continuum at 09:00:01am in a cloud of sparkles, incandescent dust, ozone and up a tree.
The new Twinn Time (who hails from Ytterbia) commented; "I am sorry I am late, but that subspace transmogrifyer of mine doesn't seem to work too well, and I don't quite have the hang of it yet." Having said that she disappeared once again, briefly reappearing at a shopping mall in Germany, next to the I75 in Ohio, on a number 19 bus in London and next to a camel in Morocco. She has since managed to pause long enough for us to get this exclusive photograph.
 The New Twinn Time 2007
THE CLASSIFIEDS.
HATCHES, MATCHES & DESPATCHES
Where an advertiser reference is used, please address all correspondence as follows: Advertiser xXXXXX, The Hollow Times, P.O Box 7645d, Spottyville.
Radio Scripts wanted: Radio WTWINN is looking for short and long length stories for possible use as radio scripts. We also require short length children's stories for broadcast.
Contact Elinor at 086-TWINNradio for an information pack.
|
Mad Shirts: Tie dyed shirts by the Madisons at the Continuum now available. All sizes (and colours) available and special runs can be arranged.
Contact Hayley at 0800-00SHIRTS for information.
|
Employment: Join The Hollow Times as a cub reporter, see pictures of the world, get lousy pay, learn to make tea in abundance. References required, but experience not a prerequisite
The Editor 555-2222.
|
Tree Felling: Call Randy for all your tree felling needs. Fast and efficient service with own chainsaw and wagon. No job to small. Prices negotiable and results guaranteed.
Contact Advertiser RANDTREE.
|
Despatched: Gerald Ford: 38th US President. James Brown: Entertainer and Musician, Saddam Hussein: Tyrant.
|
Bringing you quality dolly programmes to suit your needs. All day, everyday.
|
FAMOUS CROC BACK IN TOWN
Overseas Correspondent.
Members of the Twinn Continuum celebrated the return of Carlisle Crocodile in fine form over Christmas. Carlisle, who went missing for over 2 months has returned safe and sound and was re-united with all of his friends just in time for Christmas celebrations.
 Carlisle and admirers.
A Spokestwinn said "Having Carlisle back is a relief as things are just not the same when he is gone."
A close friend and confidant; Cavendish Croc informed this reporter that "Carlisle was away on a delicate mission, all very hush-hush, top secret you know." Carlisle is still recovering from his mission and was unable to provide any comment on what he had been up to. He did however wish all of our readers a peaceful and prosperous 2007.
FADS AND FASHION
Back to School
By Jenni Amanda
School uniforms are not exactly fashion, neither are they a fad, but they do fulfill a function and are a necessary evil (or so they say).
The big school uniform debate has raged since Miss Ugh picked up a twig and drew a picture in the dirt for her children. Alas it will rage onwards for many years to come and its unlikely that they will be discontinued. Whether we like it or not, children seem to be much more aware of themselves and the image they project when in uniform, and just a tad better behaved. Fortunately sanity has prevailed and more laxity has come about in uniforms, hopefully they will soon banish the blazer and the tie and once they are gone yet another remnant of colonialism would have been removed.
REVIEWS.
The Editor.
An Altogether Fishy Business.
A radio drama written by Mannfred Von Winkelhammer. Now on WTWINN Radio.
The ongoing saga of the Willard family has enthralled listeners these past 3 months. High jinx and low lives have never been so expertly portrayed as it is on this radio drama. The fact that this drama has such a loyal following is an indication that radio still can hold it's listeners and provide adequate entertainment without resorting to visual effects. A cast of young actors and actresses has kept the lively dialogue entertaining and fresh, and we are all waiting in suspense to find out who really wielded that tuna with such malevolence. Broadcast weekly on Tuesdays and Thursday at 8.00pm on WTWINN.
Crappy Cinemas and Media Inc presents....
The all new Magnavision
Roxee' Bioscope
Let Sleeping Cats Lie... a story to charm your heart and cause tears to flow. 90 minutes of kitten mayhem and wisdom as portrayed by a young and innocent kitten. Fine acting by Pootie Appelwater and George Le' Wallet have made this the winner of a Golden Pancake Award 2006. Soundtrack by The Caterwaulers now on DVD. First show 10am. Pensioners free on Tuesdays (conditions apply). Last show at 8pm. rated for all ages.
|
THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
On 26 December 2004 the event known as the Sumatra-Andaman earthquake occurred. It's epicentre was off the west coast of Sumatra and it triggered a series of devastating Tsunamis that spread throughout the Indian Ocean, killing large numbers of people and inundating coastal communities across South and Southeast Asia. Casualty figures have been estimated at 229,866 people lost, including 186,983 dead and 42,883 missing. This catastrophe is one of the deadliest disasters in human history.
ASK OUR ADVISER
Q. Is Godzilla dead?
A. Godzilla has just recently celebrated his 50th birthday and "Final Wars" is supposedly his last movie. And while there seems to be no sign of a new Godzilla movie in the making it's pretty certain that old greeny will stomp his way back into movie houses in a few years time. You can't put a good lizard like Godzilla down and I am sure that we will be seeing him again soon (or that crummy irritating son of his.....)
|
