Characters:

Dolly Detective Caitlyn, struggling gumshoe.
Detective Dawn, struggling apprentice gumshoe.
Madame Hi Heel, sinister villan.
The Astonishing Brenda, palmreader and friend of Caitlyn and Dawn.
Rory, Chinese takeaways owner.
Lou, missing relative of Madame Heel
Pierre, Chaffeur and general dogsbody
Simon, Musical malarky contestant
Penny, Musical Malarky contestant
Zarabeth, Musical Malarky Compere
Officer Malloy, Local Policeman

The Carruthers Building, once the home to many office's and industries, stood in a dingy sidestreet and was now as run down as many of the half hearted small business's that operated out of offices in its cramped and graffiti plastered hallways. On the 3rd floor of the building was a small 2 doll detective agency, it was struggling to survive and any clients that braved the rickety lift would have to be very desperate for the services of a detective.

Like the wallpaper in the hallways, the gold lettering on the glass door of the C&D Detective Agency was peeling, and Dolly Detective Caitlyn was sure that as soon as it fell off the C&D Detective Agency would cease to exist. Caitlyn and Dawn had entered into this venture knowing the risks involved and now it seemed as if failure was staring them in the face. It was a hot and humid day, crime still didn't pay and now Caitlyn and Godzilla were looking in her notebook for any contacts that would be able to offer them work. There was a strange wheezing and humming noise, then the crash of the lift doors and the sound of expensive footwear tap-tapping down the passage. The noise stopped outside the door and the handle started to turn. Caitlyn held her breath, could it be a client or just another debt collector?. The door opened and Caitlyn found herself staring at the ever elusive Madame Hi Heel. "Pearl, 02 skin, A60 eyes, H hair" she thought automatically.

"Is this the C&D Detective Agency?" She asked, " I need someone to find my son. He ran off with a Madison." Caitlyn was somewhat taken aback, like most people she instantly recognised the glamorous Madame Heel from the tabloids and society pages. "This is the C&D Detective Agency, I am detective Caitlyn. Please come inside and tell me where you saw your son last."

Madame Hi Heel pulled a small wisp of lace edged fabric out of a very small black velvet purse and wiped her eyes. "It's all so upsetting," she sobbed. Caitlyn was not used to clients bursting into tears. "Would you like a cup of tea? Don't worry, the C&D Detective Agency is at your service and will find your son. Please take a seat and I will organise the tea for us."

Caitlyn rang the bell which was connected to Detective Dawn's small office (formerly the broom closet). Dawn was sitting at her the desk, reading a comic book when the bell went off.

She popped her head out of the door. "You rang boss?" Then, realizing that there was actually the potential for a paying customer, she sobered and came out into the outer office, trying to look professional and detectivelike. "Yes, detective Caitlyn, what can I do to assist?" "Please make some tea for Madame Heel!" "Yes boss, I will be happy to do so, back in a jiffy." Dawn went back into her office and put the tea kettle on the hot plate. She hurried out a back door to the adjoining office (The Astonishing Brenda, Fortunes Told and Palms Read) to see whether she could borrow an uncracked teacup and some biscuits.

The residents of the Carruthers Building were all somewhat down at the heels and shared resources whenever they were able. Dawn knocked on the door "Hi Brenda, sorry to bother you, but Cait asked me to....." "They are in the usual place Dawn, and I have left out some biscuits too." "But? how did you know why I was here?" "They don't call me The Astonishing Brenda for nothing you know." "You're having me on right?" Brenda giggled, "Actually I heard the lift door and somebody go to your office, I guessed that you finally had a client and tea would be needed. I know you guys don't have any decent cups and saucers." "Thanks Brenda, where would we be without you?" "Drinking out of mugs probably." Brenda joked. "I hope this client works out." "Me too, because if it doesn't we are going to have to shut up shop." Back in the offices of C&D, Madame Heel plopped down on a nearby chair and set her hat (the latest Paris creation, of course) on the adjacent table. 'It's a lovely hat but I've been so worried that I can hardly enjoy it,' she sighed. Having regained her composure a bit, she began her sorry tale. "You may have recognised me, I am the producer of a television game show called 'Musical Malarky.' Perhaps you have heard of it?" "I recognise you from the newspapers, but I have never watched your show as I don't watch much TV, " said Caitlyn, not wishing to admit that the television set had been sold to pay the most recent telephone and rent bills, and that she only watched "Masterpiece Theater" and "The Crocodile Hunter" even when she had a television. "Well, the premise is that we have three contestants. They choose a category of song, for instance, 'Songs of the Beatles' or 'Songs from the Wizard of Oz.' Our orchestra plays several bars of one part of the song and the contestant must sing the next two lines."

"But how do they know where to start, as many songs repeat?" asked Caitlyn, thinking that she had always thought game shows were lame but this sounded lamer than most. "Ah, that is the challenge - they don't. They have to guess," chortled Madame Hi Heel, brightening a bit. "Many times they are incorrect. We don't have to give out a lot of prizes. You know how it goes, budgetary restraints and inflation." "I suppose not," Caitlyn replied, trying not to roll her eyes in disgust. ('Paying customer,' she inwardly reminded herself) Madame Heel opened her purse and took out a packet of chocolate cigarettes, removed one with elegant hands and put it in her mouth,

"Well, on the day in question there were two contestants, a housewife and a computer repair person, and then in came this stunning Madison. I knew right away she was a custom. She took everyone's breath away, AND she seemed to know every song we played.

My son works as an assistant producer on the show and he must have known who she was and coached her. He wasn't even there that evening of the recording and I am sure he was packing his bags already to leave with her." Caitlyn watched the chocolate cigarette getting shorter. "So you suspect that there may have been collusion between the 2 of them?" Madame Heel dabbed at her eyes with the lace edged fabric, "I have never seen her before, but you can never tell with these customs, one day they are just another doll, the next day they are the talk of the town." It was well known in doll circles that Madame Heel had had quite a lot of work done on herself, and the expensive designer clothing she wore had not been bought from "Discount Doll-o-Rama". "When did you realise that he was really gone?" "We always have a meeting of the staff on the first Monday of the month where we plan the next month's shows and choose music and discuss how to cut corners. He never attended the meeting and when I called his apartment all I got was his machine. I had one of my secretaries call him on his cell, but all we got was an unreachable message." Dawn came into the office, a tray with a big teapot and 3 cups balanced professionally in her hand. "The chief of police sent a message boss, he said I must tell you that he was very impressed with the results we got on the Smithson case, and he says that they are following up on the leads we got on the 1st General Bank job." Dawn was always making up stories like that to impress the customers, and while Caitlyn knew she meant well, she really didn't think that Madame Heel would take much cognisance of what Dawn said. "Thanks Dawn I will have to get back to him on that. Let me introduce you to Madame Hi Heel, she would like us to find her son." "Madame Heel? not THE Madame Heel of 'Musical Malarky'? I love that show. Its so cool, did you see that Madison that came on the one time Cait? she was excellent, she knew all the answers off pat!" "That's who we suspect of luring my son away" Madame Heel said, taking another chocolate cigarette out of the packet. Dawn sat on the other chair, notepad in hand. "Don't worry Madame Heel, we will find him, Caitlyn is the best detective this side of town." Naturally Dawn didn't mentioned that Caitlyn was the only detective in this run down part of town. Caitlyn had lost the thread of the conversation for a moment so tried a new tack. "Can you give us a description of your son Madame Heel? or better yet, do you have a photograph we can use?" Madame Heel rummaged around in her bag and took out a small passport size photograph.

"This is his passport photograph, his name is Lou, Lou Heel." Caitlyn looked at the picture, like most passport photo's it was badly lit, and the boy in the picture reminded her of an animal caught in the headlights of a car. "04 skin, T40 eyes, W hair," she thought automatically as she handed the photograph to Dawn, "run up to Meko's Photographics and Portraits and get her to run a few of these off please Dawn." Dawn reached across and looked at the photo, gave an informal salute to Caitlyn, then turned to Madame Heel, "Don't you worry Madame Heel, I am sure we will be able to help you." Then she dashed out of the door. "Please excuse my fellow detective Madame Heel, she is very eager but tends to loose track of the procedure." Madame Heel picked up the chocolate cigarette box, it was empty. "You don't by any chance have...." Caitlyn shook her head. "I'm afraid not, I am a lollipop type detective myself." She sighed, "money is no object detective, I will spare no expense to find my son and get him out of the clutches of that Madison". Caitlyn handed over a breakdown of fees to Madame Heel, "Our terms are as follows, we require 500 dolly dollars as a retainer, and our hourly rate is 35 dolly dollars excluding expenses. I will give you a detailed report of our investigations and all expenses as the investigation progresses." Madame Heel reached into her purse and drew out a roll of dolly dollars, she counted off 5000 dolly dollars. "This will start the ball rolling, I need you to start on the case immediately." Caitlyn was somewhat taken aback, she hadn't seen so much money in her whole life. "I will have to get you to sign our standard disclaimer and release, as well as form 56a, 89b and I will need you to give a statement to Dawn detailing things like addresses, car registrations, known acquaintances, etc." she inserted a page into her typewriter, "do you have an ID card I can use to fill out your details from?" Madame Heel rummaged once again in her purse and withdrew a plastic embossed drivers licence, she handed it to Caitlyn. "This will just take a few moments, I must just get the details filled in here, and then you can sign it for me and we are in business." Dawn came back into the room, "Meko says she will have those repro's done for us this afternoon boss." "Thanks Dawn, can you please take Madame Heel into the conference room to fill out a statement for us with all the details of her son?" Dawn led the overdressed celebrity into the conference room to complete a statement while Caitlyn pecked away at the typewriter. Once that was finished she opened the filing cabinet and took out an empty folder. The filing cabinet had only 3 folders in it; "The case of the missing budgie", "The broken umbrella case" and "crossword puzzles." Caitlyn wrote on the folder "The case of Madame Hi Heel's son." She took the disclaimers and releases to the conference room for Madame Heel to sign. "Please sign next to the blue x please Madame Heel" A solid gold pen was taken from the depths of the purse and Madame Heel obediently signed at all occurrences of the blue x. Caitlyn wrote out a receipt and gave it to Madame Heel. Dawn had completed her statements and these were added into the folder. "Thank you Caitlyn, I feel so much better now that I know this case is in such good hands." "It's our pleasure Madame Heel, we will be in touch as soon as we have looked into some of the key elements. If you hear from your son or from the Madison, please let us know." Caitlyn handed over a business card, "here are our contact numbers if you need to reach us or have any news of information." The card disappeared into the purse, Madame Heel stood up, "I just hope nothing has happened to him." She shook hands with Dawn and Caitlyn, Then turned on her heel and walked out of the offices. Caitlyn and Dawn stood staring at the open door. "Tell me that this never happened Caitlyn." "It happened Dawn, and you know, there is something very strange about this case." Dawn picked up her tea cup and peered inside. "Cold! I hate cold tea. Why do you say there is something strange going on Cait?" "Well, its pretty obvious that Madame Heel has made sure that she chose a detective agency which has few resources, and which is run on a shoe string deliberately." "That's true, and talk of shoe strings, do you think I could have an advance on last months salary?" Caitlyn looked at the neat pile of notes, "Dawn, if I knew that this was legit I would pay you your whole salary, but I am afraid that I dont know whether we will be able to solve this or not." Dawn looked crestfallen. "Gee Cait, one of these days we are going to have an even more serious cash flow problem than we have now." Caitlyn put her arm around Dawn's shoulder. "I know Dawn, I was just so hoping that we could make this agency work, now I don't know anymore. If we fail this case I fear we will have to shut up shop." "Does that mean back to modelling for Ebay?" "I am afraid so my friend." "Well, let's do our best and make sure we don't end up back modelling for Ebay." There was a knock on the glass door, it was Brenda from "The Astonishing Brenda, Fortunes Told and Palms Read", "Hi girls, I saw in my crystal ball that you had a client. can we break out the champagne?" Caitlyn laughed, "not yet, but I think our budget may be able to stretch to orange juice." "Sounds good to me... lets go out for lunch. I am sure you can use the services of a fortune teller in this case, lets have a business lunch. "The Astonishing Brenda, Fortunes Told and Palms Read" will pick up the tab." Caitlyn carefully locked Madame Heel's deposit in the safe, and when everybody was outside she locked the office, placing a "closed for lunch" sign on the door. © DR Walker, JE Sturgis 2001/2002/2003/2004/2005