THE GIRL IN THE MOON.

(Please turn your monitor onto mono when reading this bad 1950's type epic)

The sky was clear of any clouds, only a million stars punctuated the blackness. I was patrolling down near the old Granger place, all bushes and trees and nothing in sight, when suddenly a call came over the air on my squawk box:
"Calling all cars, armed robbery taken place at Fifth and Main, suspect has taken 1 female hostage, is armed and dangerous and is fleeing south in a grey pickup."

I stopped the squad car at the crossroads, looking for any sign of the vehicle, a hostage situation was not my idea of a good nights work. My trusty partner was down with a bad case of piles and I did not like to have to face this potentially dangerous situation alone. In the distance I could see the lights of a fast moving vehicle. I watched it take form, a dark coloured pickup. I wished I had a bad case of piles, what could I do to avoid a bloodbath?

I gunned my engine and pulled my car across the path of the pickup, ripping out my trusty 45 I waited. The pickup screeched to a halt and a half demented youth jumped out, dragging a bedraggled women with him. He waved a gun at me and at her, "Cumm on coppa, wanna play?????"
I feared for the safety of the captive. Yet, in spite of her obvious predicament she grinned and suddenly started to glow, our madman flung her away as before my eyes she proceeded to change, where once was a grey woman with a grey skirt and grey blouse and bun and sensible shoes, there stood someone like I had not encountered before.

She was dressed in a long cape with a very short leather tunic, a moulded breast plate, boots and a very large sword. Her long flowing hair drifting gently in the breeze. She gave her erstwhile captor a withering glance, "he will do nice as a stepping stone at my palace on the moon." The cowering youth disappeared in a glow of unearthly light.
I gulped and hoped she had no use for any other pieces of ornamentation or paving stones. She looked wryly at me, "As for you? well, I need someone to cheer me up and occasionally clean my boots, want a job? I pay well and we have a great medical aid on the moon."
I looked at her, "what do you mean, "the moon?"
She laughed, her voice tinkling in the crisp night air, "you know the place, minor satelite orbiting the earth."
I frowned, "Um, if you come from the moon, what are you doing on earth???"
she sighed, "The ATM's on the moon are forever offline, I can never get any mooney out of them, besides, the moon is not really great for a girls tan, sort of dark and we have to provide our own illumination."

Having said that, she suddenly started to glow, it was strange, because she started to glow like the moon. I wondered if I had not had too many doughnuts. "Ok, so say I take this job, um, what happens if I do not like the working conditions???"
She smiled, "you can work a three month probation period and give 24 hours notice at any time, after that 30 days will have to do. If you are good at your job you could even become the man in the moon."

I ask you dear reader, have you ever heard of such a thing???

"Ok," I replied, "How do I know that you are not some kook from Venus who wants to enslave me and use me as some sort of breeding machine, I have heard about all you Amazon types from Venus."
She smiled..... "I guess you will never know...."

The glow intensified and I had to put on my pair of police issue sun glasses to shade me from the light. "Byeeeeee" she cried as she disappeared in a glorious display of lunar lite, "see you soon, by the light of the moon."

So boys and girls, that is why I walk around with a bandage around my bum, it is from kicking myself for not going with her to her lunar palace. You see, the moon is not made of green cheese, and there is no man in the moon. In fact there is a girl in the moon and I didn't believe it either.
Oh Sod it, pass me another beer.

_{© DR Walker 1997}