I used to be dead, yes, its true, I have proof of it written down on a piece of paper somewhere. I don't recall much of the transition though, one minute I was not, and the next I was standing in this queue of people. "Hey buddy, what are we queuing for??" I asked of the man in front. He looked up from his book and frowned at me.

"Gee, I am not too sure now that you mention it."

Another voice piped up behind me "Neither am I, and I am in a hurry too so I hope this queue will start moving." The queue shuffled forward 2 paces. "I was sitting in my car waiting for the lights to change, and suddenly here I am."

The guy in front frowned again, "I was reading my book in my office and suddenly my office is gone and there is a queue."

"Well, I was in hospital for a minor op, and. hey.... wait a minute, there is something strange going on here!"

A murmur started running up and down the line, people started to turn to their fellow queue mates and ask what they had been doing. The crowd was getting restive and I was sure it would erupt into violence at any minute.

Just then there was a loud metallic click, followed by the sound of somebody blowing into a microphone. "Attention please, may I have your attention please."

The noise level tapered off.

"I know that many are asking themselves where they are and why they are standing in a queue."

There was a murmur of agreement from the crowd.

"Well, I don't know how to put it to you, but you are all dead."

Silence reigned for a few seconds, then the hubbub started all over again. I was shocked to hear this revelation, but somehow it never came as news to me, it was as if I knew all along. The speaker came back on again, "This is death registration, before you go onwards you need to collect a blue card as well as a form 56a, please be patient though, some of our computers are dead. However, there is no need to worry either as you aren't really going anywhere."

Was that sarcasm? I wasn't too sure because nobody ever came back to tell us if death was sarcastic or not. The queue meanwhile had moved forward by 2 places and I could see the row of counters which lay ahead. It was typical of all Government departments that there were enough counters, but only 2 people manning them. The queue shuffled forward again, each person leaving the windows passing through an ordinary wooden door, which had a small label on it. I was dying to know what was on that label and I spent the rest of the queue trying in vain to read what it said. Finally my turn at the window came and I found myself standing in front of a large sweating red haired woman with more rings on her fingers than most jewelers. Her makeup was totally overdone and she had the look of somebody who took no nonsense at all. She disdainfully looked me up and down and rotated a wad of chewing gum to her left cheek "Name!!!"

"Er.. William Jones."

She looked at me in disbelief then typed my name onto an old worn keyboard.

"Date of birth??"

"Er, 27 July 1954."

That was added into her system as well. There was a clatter from a printer next to her and she ripped a piece of paper off it. "Take this white form to room 49, get them to stamp it and then take it and your blue card to room 34. NEXT!!!"

She dismissed me by shoving a blue card and the piece of paper at me and stamping yet another paper with a large rubber stamp. Then I was cast from her mind, she was already concentrating on the next person who was approaching the window. I took my papers and went up to the door, finally able to read the sign thereon. "Please close the door" was written in a spidery scrawl on a piece of old stationary with a black pen. I was disappointed, expecting something along the line of "Enter here all who have passed on".

I opened the door and came face to face (or face to back) of yet another queue. I closed the door and tapped the woman in front on me on the shoulder, "Excuse me, I am looking for room 49, does this queue go to room 49?"

She looked at me with a pained expression, "No sorry, it's the queue for the ladies room. Room 49 is down that corridor." She pointed to a passage 3 doors down.

I thanked her and headed for the passage. It stretched on as far as the eye could see and every few metres was a door. I looked at the number of the first door "7342". The door opposite was 7341. I started to walk down the passage, each door counting down for me I walked. There was nobody in sight anywhere and every now and then I spotted a ladies toilet sign. I thought of the long queue that I had encountered and wondered if anybody had thought to come look for a loo down this corridor. After what seemed like an eternity of walking I reached "49". I knocked on the door and opened it. Inside was a single counter with a stern looking schoolmarmish woman. She looked over her spectacles at me and gestured for me to come closer. "White Form!"

I meekly handed over the form to her and waited as she read through it, making ticks alongside certain sections. I hadn't even thought about looking at what was on the form so was a bit apprehensive when I saw all the red marks she was making. "Do you have any immediate family who is dead??"

"Er, not really, my family passed away when I was very young."

She harrumphed and signed the bottom of the form with a flourish. "Take your blue card to room 34, ask them to give you a chit." She dropped my white form in a tray marked "pending."

Suitably dismissed I left the office and walked down the corridor to room 34. I knocked and opened the door. "Is this room 34??"

A jolly looking man in a loud jacket looked up from his desk. He had a flushed look on his face and radiated humour and frivolity. "No, its room 341, but the 1 fell off." This cracked him and up he roared with laughter, tears rolling down his chubby cheeks. Still laughing he thrust out a hand and took my blue card which he too stamped with a large rubber stamp. He thrust a small piece of paper into my hand "hang onto this, its your proof that you were here. Now go down the stairs to the accommodation office and show them this chit."

I took the chit from the jolly man and waved goodbye. I could hear him laughing even with the door closed. A flight of stairs was at the end of the passage and I went down it, looking for my next destination. It was a long flight, stretching downwards into the distance and I descended for what seemed like ages The stairs ended abruptly at yet another door which I opened, again coming face to face with the tail end of a queue. I tapped the woman on the shoulder who stood at the end of the queue. "Excuse me, is this the queue for the accommodation office?" I realised it was the same woman I had seen upstairs in the queue, "Hullo, are you still waiting for the ladies room."

She smiled tiredly, "Yes, I suppose its my punishment for being a bad mother."

"Oh? Is it the bad mothers version of Hell??"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know, I have never managed to get to the front of the queue to find out yet."

The queue shuffled forward a bit. "Well, at least its moved a bit."

"It does that now and then, just to keep the hopes up I suppose."

"I must go find the accommodation office, I hope you get to the end of the queue soon."

"Me too, if I don't manage to get there soon I suspect I will flood the place."

I bade her goodbye and walked down the queue, looking for a sign which would lead me to the accommodation office. I found it about 30 women down and turned into yet another passage with endless doors. The rooms started at 11452 and progressed downwards from there. I started to walk, passing 5 ladies rooms just after room 11448. I stopped, turned around and went to the beginning of the passage where the other queue was. I went up to the woman at the end of the queue, "Come with me, I have found a ladies room free for you."

Her eyes lit up, "You have? that's wonderful, I thought this was how I would have to spend all eternity."

She followed me down the passage and darted into the first ladies room she saw. "Thank you, and good luck at the accommodation office."

I continued my stroll down the seemingly endless corridor, eventually passing room 9786 when I heard a child crying, it got louder as I progressed, until I reached room 9772 which had an open door. Inside was a small girl of about 7 or maybe even younger. She sat on a big wooden chair, her feet not even touching the floor, her face buried in her hands, sobs wracking her small body. I went into the room and stopped in front of her. "Whats wrong little one? why are you so sad??"

She looked up at me, tears running down her cheeks. She was a pretty child with long dark hair and sad gray eyes. "I'm lost, my daddy is gone and I don't know where to find him."

I dug out my clean hankie and gave it to her, "here, dry your eyes, lets go see if we can find somebody who can help." She sniffled and rubbed her eyes with the hankie and then gravely reached out and took my hand. "Where did you see him last??" I asked.

She looked up at me, "He went away one day, mommy said he had to go to hospital. He didn't kiss me goodbye and he didn't come back and I miss him so much."

I was taken aback, how could somebody go off and leave this beautiful child behind without so much as a goodbye kiss?

The 2 of us walked into the long corridor and I looked at the number of the next room "Accommodation Office" it said on the nameplate. "Well, this is where I am supposed to be, so lets ask the people in here if they can tell us where we can find your daddy?" I knocked on the door and opened it. The woman from the toilet was standing at the counter and she was being helped by a young man with an orange shirt and a very greasy 1950's hairdo. He looked up and saw the little girl and I, then smiled and stamped a piece of paper. "Aaah, just in time Mr. Jones, I was about to send this lady away without you."

I was puzzled, "Without me? We are supposed to go somewhere together?"

"Why of course, didn't they tell you at room 49?"

"No, I just handed in the white form and that was it. They sent me to room 34 where I got a chit. Along the way I also found this little girl who has lost her daddy."

"Oh, I see." He addressed the little girl, "Did anybody give you a piece of paper?"

She wrinkled her brow, thinking. "Yes mister, I put it in my pocket." She reached into a pocket of her dress and drew out a piece of paper, handing it to the clerk who bent over the counter and took it from her. He unfolded it and examined it. Then opened a big ledger and ran a finger down the page.

"Aha! I see the problem. The 3 of you must all go down to section D. Its right down the passage next to room 78. Give them this pass and tell them Mike sent you. I will call ahead and explain it all."

Still holding the little girls hand I opened the door "Coming?" I asked the woman.

"Oh yes, sorry, I was just trying to remember something."

The 3 of us walked down the passage, expecting room 78 to be right in the far distance. Instead it turned out to be 3 doors down. I knocked and turned the handle. The door swung open, revealing a large desk with 3 chairs in front of it. Seated behind the desk was a middle aged man, slightly balding and with a pair of wire framed glasses perched on his forehead. He stood up, extending a hand, "Aah, Mr. Jones, please take a seat."

The room was like most generic government offices with its regulation chairs, filing cabinets, desk and picture of various officials wearing sashes. The three of us sat down at the desk. I placed the pass on the desk.

"Mike said I must tell you he sent us."

"Hmmm, yes, he phoned ahead as well. My name is Death, but people call me Aubrey. My job is to look after people like yourself Mr. Jones." He stood up and walked across to a regulation sideboard where a tray with cups and a teapot stood. "Tea? A biscuit perhaps?"

This was a surprise, I had always thought that Death was a skeletal figure with hooded robes, red eyes and a scythe. Evidently he was very much misunderstood and was actually just another civil servant. I know that very few people would believe it when I told them that Death offered me a cup of tea and a biscuit. He brought the tray to his desk and poured 3 cups of tea and a glass of milk which he offered to my small companion along with the choice of biscuits.

"Mr. Jones, I will be frank, the reason you are here is that technically you are dead. You died on the operating table a few seconds ago. It happens now and then and we get many arrivals that way. Occasionally they have what is known as a "near death experience" and think they see lights and a presence which tells them to go back. Actually it's a bit more complicated than that. We just like them to think it works like that."

"Does that mean I am having one myself??"

"That's correct Mr. Jones, you haven't crossed over as yet, there is still paperwork to do."

"Do these 2 ladies have something to do with it?"

"Once again you are correct, this lady represents your wife, currently sitting in the waiting room outside the operating theatre, she has been sitting there for quite some time and she is very worried and her bladder has been plaguing her considerably. Alas, she is too afraid to go to the ladies room in case something happens while she is gone. The young lady represents your daughter Susan, she is being looked after by a friend and is very sad because she never got to say goodbye to you when you were taken to hospital. In fact, she has been crying almost non stop for quite some time."

I looked at the small girl who was busily munching at the biscuits and the woman who was sipping at her tea. Suddenly they weren't strangers to me any longer, rather they became the images of my wife and daughter. Things were slowly becoming clearer, I now understood much of what had happened up till now. Death took a biscuit and split the 2 halves of it "I so enjoy eating the sweet bit in the centre, don't you?" My heart ached when I saw the 2 most important people in my life.

"I expect that by showing me my family you are offering me something."

"People who meet me sometimes get choices, whether its tea, a biscuit or a second chance. According to our predictions, you can have a good few years left to enjoy your family. You can sign the required form now and walk out the door straight to the reception room. Or, if you wish you get the 2nd chance and will be reunited with your family. Naturally you would first have to go to "Returns" and have the lights shone in your face and people will tell you to go back." Death pushed a hidden button and a section of the wall slid away, revealing what looked like a TV set. "Perhaps this will help you come to a decision."

There was a bit of snow and then a picture formed of the inside of an operating theatre. On the table lay my body, clustered all around it were doctors frantically applying CPR. The image changed to the waiting room where I saw my wife sitting awkwardly on an armchair, her hands clutching a crumpled hankie, her eyes red and puffy. Then I saw my daughter, she was laying face down on a bed and her sobs were torture to my ears. I turned to look at the woman but she was gone, so was the little girl. Only Death was left. Death gave me a choice. "What is your decision?" he asked.

They tell me I was clinically dead for 4 minutes, and that there was a point when they stopped CPR. Then my body jerked and suddenly the monitors came back to life. I was in hospital for 2 days before being reunited with my wife and child. I had a sudden craving for biscuits and a loathing for passages. I couldn't really understand much of my experience, and as I explained to the doctor, I saw bright lights and a presence which told me to go back.

Its all very peculiar really, especially the piece of paper I found in my pyjama pocket, it was stamped "Proof of attendance, Admissions, Room 34".

DRW 2003.