In praise of the humble "P*** Boekie" and pinup girls.

In 1980, like so many other white males, I was dragged kicking and screaming into that institution we would come to know as the SADF. The culture shock was enormous, legions of brown clad eenvormigge troepies all marching to the tune of the National party. After almost a year of rondfok and "training" I eventually ended up in the "Operational Area" or "The Border" as it was so commonly known.

Diversions were few and far between; drinking, talking kak, getting messed around, an occasional incursion by Swapo, and reading whatever came to hand. Newspapers were great but they reminded us of home too much so we avoided them. Paperbacks we never saw or they were invariably bad cowboy novels. Our all time favourite though were those beloved and much maligned "Photo Picture Libraries" or, as we so fondly knew them: "P*** Boekies". These trashy produced pieces of literature fascinated us because you did not need an imagination, and if you did not understand the text you could always look at the pictures. They were better than a comic and were made in South Africa too.

Of course we all had our favourites, there was "Tessa", a platinum blonde who strutted around in a bikini all day, running through the jungles of urban South Africa while clad in her cossie and high heels. Clashing with sinister suit and shade wearing individuals who were clearly "the bad guys" Naturally she always came out on top, the hair on that blonde head not even disturbed. As far as we were concerned she was akin to a Goddess and she would have been mobbed had she ever come to the border. With hindsight, those same bad guys looked very much like the guys who appeared before the Truth Commission and spilt so much dirty laundry. Maybe Tessa knew something we did not?

Remember "Swart Luiperd, Wit Tier, Kaptein Duiwel, Grensvegter" and all that ilk? They were out in the bushes clutching their wooden machine guns, (this is a rifle, this is a gun, this is for shooting, this is for fun.) killing off naughty cigar smoking Cuban clones who held the proverbial dishevelled damsel in distress captive after her convoy/aircraft/helicopter/hospital was invaded/crashed/broke down (delete which is not applicable). By our reckoning we were not needed on the border, those three guys would solve all the problems and we could go home to start our long delayed civvy existence. Now that I think of it, just maybe they were really out there doing dirty deeds while we were being fed propaganda about how good the SADF and SAP were.

Ruiter In Swart

Die Wit Tier

Tessa

See

For the more erudite reader there was "Saal 10/Dr Konrad Brand/Kyk/See" and our personal heroine "Suster Louise" These white clad stern nurse types with the hearts of gold were all the exact opposite of the disinterested medics who looked down their noses at us lowly troepies while dispensing endless aspirins. We peered longingly at these books with big eyes, hoping for a hint of cleavage or a thigh. These were the sort of women we really wanted to marry and have 2,3 children with.

On the magazine side, our mag of choice was Scope. It was very tame in those days, women had no nipples, just stars or smudges. And to make matters worse there were only 3 copies for every 100 troops. Of course the Dominee invariably confiscated these tattered remnants at each opportunity, to add to his own collection we always reckoned. The centerspread drove us crazy and were the first thing we always looked for. Naturally they had been swiped by the original owner but we always looked just in case. In those sweltering days those diversions were treasured, we slept with them under our mattresses and spent long minutes in the toilet reading and making appropriate comments and sound effects. Mind you, now that I think of it, we would have read the tractor reviews in Farmers Weekly or the personal ads in Keur given nothing else.

        

I never see P*** Boekies in the shops anymore and shudder that I actually read them. The 80's are a distant memory. "The Kommuniste Gevaar" is still only an excuse and the former enemy is now in power in Namibia and South Africa. Things have changed considerably. The SADF we knew is a shadow of its former self and many of those homburg wearing politicians are dead, remarried or trying to look inconspicuous and innocent. I suppose all our fav pinup girls are married or divorced and concerned with more mundane things. While I hear that Tessa was replaced by someone else (sacrilege!) and I have since found out that one of my friends actually starred in these books..... needless to say I will not point too many fingers and protect her identity. As for the others? well, maybe somewhere out there our border heroes are waiting for a recall signal which will never come.